I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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