shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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