Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
