I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize