i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize