why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
