i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
