Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize