do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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