I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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