When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
