plz talk dirty to me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
