How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
