Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
