his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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