I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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