He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
