I could make wine with my vomit
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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