i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
