a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
