dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
