my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
