ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
