capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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