I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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