Life is so much better after having sex.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
