Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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