i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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