I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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