we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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