I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
