i don't like sucking hair
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
