I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
