I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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