If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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