did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
