I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
