FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
