Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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