Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
