It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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