my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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