I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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