Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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