Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
