I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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