she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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