I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
