I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
