booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
