never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
