my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
