So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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