get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
