She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The struggles of a small town man whore
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
