i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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