I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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