Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
