I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
