Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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