this beer tastes like vomit already
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
