I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
