I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
