Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
