it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
