I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
