hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
