Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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